Just Some Thoughts

So I noticed something interesting recently. You see, when a smoker tells someone never to start smoking, they are considered to be wise and praised for giving good advice. I can understand why people think this way, I mean if anyone should know how bad smoking is it would be the individuals who are trapped in their habit. 

What I want to know is why that is only with smoking? 

Let's say that a self-harmer tells another person to not start doing that type of thing they are seen as a hypocrite. Whether they have stopped or not. Both smoking and self-harming could kill you, and I know that both are difficult to quit once you really get into it. Yet, one is seen as wise.

It is the same if you are a procrastinator, even though, it appears like that is highly typical. If I tell someone not to procrastinate and to do their homework, I am met with irritation. I know that it is silly for ME to tell someone else to do their work when I procrastinate. I may procrastinate, but I always hand my work in on time. Also, procrastination has varying levels. I can go from "finishing 5-page paper the night before it's due" to "writing/studying for half an hour and then reading/video gaming for half an hour". Sometimes it is about not having the energy to do the work. I know I have to, I know I can do it, but I do not have the motivation or energy to do it. I need a break or some time for myself before I am forced to start doing work. When I tell someone not to procrastinate it is not because they should do it even though I am not. I tell them because I know how stressful it is to be stuck with all of this work and worry that you will not be able to finish it time. I also know that it is really hard to start doing something when one really, really does not want to. Some have the control to force them to do it, I am not one of them, but I will always suggest it and support you. I never want others to be stuck last minute stressed like I have done to myself so many times. I wish I could have the energy and motivation to do my homework and studying right away but I do not. If you do not as well, let's support each other and see if that helps. I am willing to change and try anything. Are you?

I'm Canadian But....

When I woke up this morning, I heard what I once believed was unthinkable, Donald J. Trump had won the election and will be the next president of the United States of America.

As a person I feel terrified with what is on the horizon. As a woman I feel utterly crushed; does America hate women so much that they would prefer to have such a hateful man running their country?

Today feels so unreal. I just wanted to go back to bed, wake up, and see better things. This election was not entertaining or funny, it was downright terrifying.

My first class today felt eerily quiet. I kept looking around for the Dementor that was sucking the happiness out of everyone. It was only a college English class, but for a few moments... Everyone seemed to feel the same way. They all feel extremely uneasy with the decision, but hope with all of their might that something good may happen. Although, it is a pessimistic type of hope.

I have heard so many people mention wanting to bring American relatives to their homes to "protect" them. I have heard people say they are going to move to Europe to get far from what will happen. The Canadian immigration site crashed! Knowing all of this, I cannot understand how many can not understand the fear. The fear is present, and even if this man cannot actually do what he wants, his words and hate speech bring forth hate crime. He may not be able to shut down mosques just because, but that will not stop his aggressive followers from burning them down.

In my Canadian Government class, we had our discussion class; the election was the main topic. We started class by watching Hillary's statement live. I am positive that I am not the only person that teared up or even cried. She was so gracious and graceful with her words. My heart was breaking so much more as she spoke. She may be a crook, but I was definitely with her. I don't know how to feel after this. She just seems so much better than Trump; this just adds to my thought that America hates women so much that they would prefer the hate filled man.

After we had watched her statement, our teacher had us talk about what we thought about the voting and party systems in the United States. A lot of people in my class seemed to think the same things about this voting stuff. A lot of them thought about the "woman" aspect; many people believe that Hillary being a woman screwed her over for a lot of votes. Now they also believe that many voters will not openly admit that it was an issue but that it was more of an underlying issue, the fact that women were not considered people until the 1930s drives this point home. A few of the men in my class came up with the notion that the polls were very wrong because of how the media portrayed Trump causing people to be silent with their political opinion. The media was screwing with this election, does not chance the fact that this election was the most terrifying one I can remember. 

So far both of the classes I have participated had a dark cloud hovering over all of us. This was a major loss to the whole Earth whether you believe it or not.

PLEASE tell me I am not the only one that has issue with this image

PLEASE tell me I am not the only one who sees a really BIG issue with this image? 

First off, no it is NOT a woman's job to earn a man's respect. Women and men, both, really don't have the job of bending over backwards to earn the respect of others. Frankly, you have the right to do whatever you want without seeking another's approval. The only approval one truly needs is their own.

Second, no one really has to give you respect for any reason. No matter how worthy a person is of another's respect, there is always a chance it will not be given, for whatever reason.

Third, how come I never see one with the genders reversed? Why is it only up to women to "earn" respect? Just a thought, I'm not saying make one.

If you are ever going to live with a family member you do not usually spend time with, look into the situation before you dive in. I started living with my grandmother recently. I was surprised to witness my grandmother as very racist, homophobic, and very hateful. I have heard her complain about people in my family who have not baptised their children leaving the decision up to the children, and she has not only just complained but has gone as far as to almost entirely plan and set up a baptism before informing the family member. Although, if you try to tell her how to live her life or suggest something for her you are officially the worse human ever. Not to mention the fact that I am pansexual and listening to the way she says homosexuals are unnatural, and a waste just kills me. When she was talking like this around my aunt’s children, my aunt told her to watch her mouth and not talk like that around her kids. When I told my mother about how it made me uncomfortable and sick, she said just to keep my attraction to girls under lock and key for a while and ignore all other comments from my grandmother that are hateful. I try to go to another room to avoid the hate, but it seems just to fill the whole house and follow me. I don’t now what to do in this situation. I am new to the city so I don’t know anywhere I could go, and I have to stay here for school. I just feel stuck.

Odd Thoughts of Mine

I find myself thinking about what would people say and do if I went missing. Would it be a big thing? Would everyone who knows me go looking? Would individuals who don’t even know me go looking just because they feel sorry for my family? What would people say about me? I feel like I might think about this the way most girls think about planning their future weddings or proposals. I believe that it is because of all of the crime shows I watch, they always have the part about the victim going missing and how many people looked for her and what they said sometimes. Most of the time they mention that the victim was a joy to be around, that no one would ever want to hurt them because of how they were a ray of sunshine. Would people call me a ray of sunshine? Or a pest that made so many mistakes? I can see myself being the latter, but would people say that or would they say nice and say I was beautiful and great and blah, blah, blah, just because I am missing?  I’m not sure which I would prefer to hear. I think I would want people to be honest about what they think of me and if I end up being a ray of sunshine to someone that would be fantastic. I believe this is like when people think about what will be said about them at their funeral. I have only seen it mentioned three times in the media, on Glee, on Mrs Brown’s Boys, and on/in The Fault in our Stars. But maybe this is just a way people show that they are not afraid of death or dying? I think I am not scared of dying per say I just really don’t want to. I don’t want to know what happens after, everyone is either on the side of Heaven/Hell, or the side of you are just dead, and that is it. I’m not sure I want either to be right, especially those that say I am going to hell for eternity. When I think of life after death, I think of things like what happens in Corpse Bride or The Book of Life or maybe even Beetlejuice. All of those who are dead seem to be quite happy with their afterlife; they seem as though they have more life in them than when they were alive. Why would I trade something like that for gone-ness, a place full of white and goodness that only the right may go, or a location of fire where the wicked goes to be forever punished. But of course anytime I mention this to someone they get mad at me, I never really understand why. I am not someone who goes around and tells other’s their ideas of the afterlife is wrong or evil so why does it seem okay that people can tell me mine is? I believe I put enough thought and ideas behind my idea that it should seem like a good choice. I don’t understand people; I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, those are just some of my more morbid thoughts.

Sometimes I think I'm Completely Crazy

Hello Internet Audience,

I felt like opening up on here again; I'm starting to think I may be putting too much online, but I don't care at this point. You see I have been hella emotional, mostly because my period is like a month late but not the point. The point is, I try to be a non-emotional person but that is hard to do when I end up crying because someone buys me a coffee! I have no idea how to get my hormones to stop being out of wack. I have tried exercising, birth control (which it turns out I cannot talk anymore because of the symptoms that occur), being alone, being surrounded by people I love, and nothing works! It is bugging the hell out of me.
Of course, the worst part is now is when everyone wants to talk about the fact that, at this point in my life, I do not want to have children ever. First off I am only 19, I feel like it should be more of an issue if I wanted children right now. I may change my mind years from now when I feel my life is ready for kids, plus I am totally comfortable with being with someone who already has children.

Does God Really Feel Like That? Really?

A year ago this September I moved out of my parents home, I realised quite quickly that doing it without involving my parents' knowledge was the wrong way to go. But ever since school ended and I had to move back home I have heard non-stop about how awful I am for moving out, how all of my brother's anxiety and mental issues are my fault. I have had no issue just dealing with them saying that but now they have brought religion in. My parents and I normally have differing opinions about all religion topics but now they are telling me that my jaw pain and having to pay for a $40 mouth guard is God's way of punishing me for moving out. Just because a year ago I had all medical issues covered doesn't mean that I should have ignored my doctors, friends, and counsellors telling me that staying at home would be bad for my health. If God didn't want me to move out he shouldn't have made it so "bad for my health" to stay there. This is all so frustrating. 

Just Ranting 

Well hello again, it has been a hella long time since I last wrote here but with how I see my next year and so going I feel like I will be ranting my thoughts a lot more often. I have too many thoughts and I am about to go move in with my grandmother who is a major Donald Trump supporter, I on the other hand am very anti-Trump. We got into a huge argument about politics and stuff not too long ago, it got to the point to where I had to leave the house and go on a long walk. I will have to survive a whole year of this while I am going to college for a Law Clerk program, from September 6th until August 25th. Encase I go crazy I will write out the process from beginning to no more sanity here, I think it will be entertaining. Wish me luck y'all.