Odd Thoughts of Mine

I find myself thinking about what would people say and do if I went missing. Would it be a big thing? Would everyone who knows me go looking? Would individuals who don’t even know me go looking just because they feel sorry for my family? What would people say about me? I feel like I might think about this the way most girls think about planning their future weddings or proposals. I believe that it is because of all of the crime shows I watch, they always have the part about the victim going missing and how many people looked for her and what they said sometimes. Most of the time they mention that the victim was a joy to be around, that no one would ever want to hurt them because of how they were a ray of sunshine. Would people call me a ray of sunshine? Or a pest that made so many mistakes? I can see myself being the latter, but would people say that or would they say nice and say I was beautiful and great and blah, blah, blah, just because I am missing?  I’m not sure which I would prefer to hear. I think I would want people to be honest about what they think of me and if I end up being a ray of sunshine to someone that would be fantastic. I believe this is like when people think about what will be said about them at their funeral. I have only seen it mentioned three times in the media, on Glee, on Mrs Brown’s Boys, and on/in The Fault in our Stars. But maybe this is just a way people show that they are not afraid of death or dying? I think I am not scared of dying per say I just really don’t want to. I don’t want to know what happens after, everyone is either on the side of Heaven/Hell, or the side of you are just dead, and that is it. I’m not sure I want either to be right, especially those that say I am going to hell for eternity. When I think of life after death, I think of things like what happens in Corpse Bride or The Book of Life or maybe even Beetlejuice. All of those who are dead seem to be quite happy with their afterlife; they seem as though they have more life in them than when they were alive. Why would I trade something like that for gone-ness, a place full of white and goodness that only the right may go, or a location of fire where the wicked goes to be forever punished. But of course anytime I mention this to someone they get mad at me, I never really understand why. I am not someone who goes around and tells other’s their ideas of the afterlife is wrong or evil so why does it seem okay that people can tell me mine is? I believe I put enough thought and ideas behind my idea that it should seem like a good choice. I don’t understand people; I don’t think I ever will. Anyway, those are just some of my more morbid thoughts.